University of Michigan Forward Glenn Robinson III Inspires Team By Cutting Off Own Arm

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The University of Michigan basketball team has been preparing all week for their big Final Four match-up against Syracuse on Saturday. During their final practice, Freshman Forward Glenn Robinson III provided the the team with some much need inspiration when he brutally sawed off his arm at center court.

“That’s just the type of kid Glenn is. He’s a leader through and through,” Coach John Beilein said at a press conference held shortly after the incident. “He always gives it 110%. Cutting into his own flesh and savagely ripping his own arm from his body is a true testament to his character.” Coach Beilein felt the team really came together as a unit after watching the young forward carve away at himself while yelling, “Just win baby! Just win!”

“It was the most horrific thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” said All-American Point Guard Trey Burke. “There was blood, vomit and tears everywhere. It really made me want to elevate my game to the next level.”

Despite the team’s newfound sense of purpose, critics question the sharp shooter’s sacrifice. Calling it, “over the top,” “completely unnecessary” and “batshit crazy.”

When asked if the team would miss Robinson III’s 56% field goal percentage when going up against Syracuse’s tough 2-3 Zone defense, Coach Beilein said, “I think the image etched into every player’s brain of Glenn snapping his own arm so that he would be able to cut through the bone easier will help the team much more than a couple three-pointers ever could.” He added, “Glenn’s just a real team player. He loves this team. He absolutely bleeds maize and blue… and red.”

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